The Structure of Freedom

Dear yous,

This is my writing from yesterday.  I'm only doing it to get a sticker, see.

I have a daily habit going, a writing habit, and I give myself a sticker, a smiley face or a star, each day I write.  Imagine the days of the week, all 7 of em, laid out as a circle.  Each day is a circle and each day I write I get a sticker in the circle for the day.  At the end of the week, if I got 7 stickers, then I get a big sticker in the middle and maybe a reward (still figuring that part out).

I - or I should say we - my partner and I have a few of these going now.  One for playing a song every morning.  One for meditation.  One for yoga.  One for gratitude.

So far it seems to be working.  Have 5 consistent weeks of playing a song every morning and 4 weeks for the others.  Now I look forward to these things when I wake up.  It's some sort of structure.

I guess that's one thing I've learned: lack of structure <> (does not equal) freedom.  Living with no structure is hard and freedom is a mental thing.  And too much structure <> safety.

The problem I had was that I had all this structure but no idea why it was there or why I was living in it.  So I gave up the structure....and now starting to build my own.  Structure, in terms of day-to-day life, really boils down to habits and thoughts.  Mine have developed into some pretty unhealthy jawns and so now the work is to reprogram myself.

So even though, technically, I didn't write during the day of yesterday, I'm writing now.  And so that counts.  And I'll give myself a star for today, because that counts as well.  And, yous, give yourself a star today just for being fucking alive and making it this far.  Cuz sometimes that's hard, you know.

Love,
Casey